November 26, 2003
Jingle On, Ringo
Ringo Starr is lending his support to NORAD's annual Santa-tracking event, in which the folks responsible for our air defense system spend Christmas Eve following St. Nick's progress by radar. (Fill in your own Don Rumsfeld joke.)
I would never, under any circumstances, disrespect the criminally underrated Ringo. But does he really need this kind of exposure? After that story, there's only one thing that can get me into the Christmas spirit. Happy Thxgiving to everybody.
November 24, 2003
November 14, 2003
You Say Asagio, I say Asiago
Yesterday I overheard some guy ordering "a Soggy Ol' bagel." Turns out he said Asagio, not to be confused w/ Asiago. BTW, all the Panera bakeries here now have free wireless IP. Nirvana!
Caught a few minutes of an odd 90s movie, "Powder," about a fey kid w/ freakish telekinetic powers and blinding white skin. He wears a fedorah throughout, so I told my kids it was The Michael Jackson Story. Favorite line: He's held in some sort of group home for his own protection, where the resident shrink reports that "Our tests indicate you're off the chart. You possess higher intelligence than anyone ever recorded for all time. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Uh, no, could you repeat the middle one?
November 08, 2003
An Oz is Born
The White Sox made a terrific choice this week in hiring Ozzie Guillen to be their manager, despite how ESPN's Rob Neyer compares him to Tigers manager Alan Trammel. It's been ages since someone with emotional ties to the Sox ran this club. And oh boy, is he emotional. Whereas their previous manager, the somnambulent Jerry Manuel, seemed to lull the whole club, Ozzie started tossing grenades in his first press conference. Frank Thomas, the all-time greatest and most disappointing Sox, bore the brunt, and columnists are already saying Guillen blundered by calling Thomas out for lack of hustle. Nah, that's just what this underachieving team needs. I didn't think the ownership was smart enough to hire Ozzie, until my wife stated that he'd be less expensive than their other options (e.g., two-time Series winning somnambulist Cito Gaston), at which point I realized Ozzie would be the man. Sure enough, it turns out he didn't even negotiate a contract -- just signed what they put in front of him! You have to love a guy that eager to manage his old team. He was a helluva shortstop, and he could be just what the team needs. At minimum, they won't be boring, which is important because it's the Cubs' world around here.
November 01, 2003
Don the Conqueror Root
My friend Greg, conspiracy theorist extraordinaire (and it takes one to know one) sent this Onionesque true story out of Reuters. Who, exactly, is behind the theft of Don Rumsfeld's mojo? If you find it, don't try to recover the stuff yourself. Call in a hazmat crew.