[FPSPACE] Neil's Convinced About Moon Landings ;-)

[Keith Gottschalk]

   One "The Onion" satire probably does more to debunk the loonie
Apollo-denialists conspiracy theory than would ten carefully researched,
point-by-point factual refutations by the combined FPSPACE members!

   From now on, I'm doubling the chopped onions in my stews.  - Keith

On Mon, Sep 7, 2009 at 7:40 PM, Brett Harrison <routier at tpg.com.au> wrote:

>
> http://www.theonion.com/content/news/conspiracy_theorist_convinces_neil
>
>
> Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked
>
> August 31, 2009 | Issue 45•36
>
> LEBANON, OHIO—Apollo 11 mission commander and famed astronaut Neil
> Armstrong shocked reporters at a press conference Monday, announcing he
> had been convinced that his historic first step on the moon was part of an
> elaborate hoax orchestrated by the United States government.
>
> According to Armstrong, he was forced to reconsider every single detail of
> the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos, and
> reading several blog posts on conspiracy theorist Ralph Coleman's website,
> OmissionControl.org.
>
> "It only took a few hastily written paragraphs published by this
> passionate denier of mankind's so-called 'greatest technological
> achievement' for me to realize I had been living a lie, " said a visibly
> emotional Armstrong, addressing reporters at his home. "It has become
> painfully clear to me that on July 20, 1969, the Lunar Module under the
> control of my crew did not in fact travel 250,000 miles over eight days,
> touch down on the moon, and perform various experiments, ushering in a new
> era for humanity. Instead, the entire thing was filmed on a soundstage,
> most likely in New Mexico."
>
> "This is the only logical interpretation of the numerous inconsistencies
> in the grainy, 40-year-old footage," Armstrong added.
> Enlarge Image
>
> Amstrong was swayed by OmissionControl's use of bolding and capital
> letters to highlight NASA's many blatant fallacies.
>
> Although Armstrong said he "could have sworn" he felt the effects of zero
> gravity while soaring out of the Earth's atmosphere and through space, he
> now believed his memory must be flawed. He also admitted feeling "ashamed"
> that he had failed to notice the rippling of the American flag he and Buzz
> Aldrin planted on the surface, blaming his lack of awareness on the
> bulkiness of the spacesuit and his excitement about traveling to the
> "moon."
>
> "That rippling is not possible in the vacuum of space," Armstrong said.
> "It must have been the wind from an air-conditioning duct that I didn't
> recognize because you can't hear a damn thing inside those helmets."
>
> "This is all just common sense, people," he added. "It's the moon. You
> can't land on the moon."
>
> In a symbolic display of his newfound skepticism, Armstrong then grabbed a
> collection of moon rocks he had kept as souvenirs and dramatically dumped
> them into a trash can.
>
> One of the main arguments posited on Coleman's website—that America could
> not, in 1969, have realistically possessed the technological capabilities
> needed to put a man on the moon—was reportedly one of the first things to
> cause the legendary astronaut a pang of doubt. Despite having spent
> thousands of hours training for the historic mission under the guidance of
> the world's top scientists, technicians, and pilots, Armstrong said he
> knew the conspiracy theories were true after learning that website author
> Coleman was "quite the engineering buff."
>
> "Yes, at the time I thought those thousands of NASA employees were working
> round the clock for the same incredible goal, but if anyone would know
> what was really going on, it would be Ralph Coleman," Armstrong said of
> the 31-year-old part-time librarian's assistant. "He knows a lot more
> about faked moon landings than I ever could. He's been researching the
> subject on the Internet for years."
>
> "Literally years," he added.
>
> Addressing another inconsistency brought to light by OmissionControl,
> Armstrong explained he was probably so focused on piloting the lunar
> module that he failed to notice that one of the moon rocks visible in
> footage of the landing appears to have the letter 'C' stamped on it. An
> emotional Armstrong said that the only possible explanation for this
> detail was that the rock actually came from NASA's prop department.
>
> "They forgot to turn it over," Armstrong said, removing his eyeglasses to
> wipe away tears. "Those lying bastards at NASA went through all the
> trouble to fake the moon landing, but they forgot to turn over one little
> prop rock. And now the whole damn thing's blowing up in their faces."
>
> Although Armstrong initially questioned why the U.S. would attempt such an
> elaborate cover-up, he cited one overarching explanation provided by
> Coleman: that it was a ploy to defeat the Soviet Union and fulfill the
> Illuminati's plan to unify the world's banks and control the dissemination
> of information.
>
> "Just ask Ralph Coleman," Armstrong said. "He'll answer any questions you
> have."
>
> To conclude the press conference, Armstrong showed reporters footage of
> his first steps on the moon to demonstrate that the most daming evidence
> was "right under our noses." Speeding up the tape and replaying the
> graceful moonwalk several times in a row, Armstrong explained that the
> iconic images of humanity's triumphant dance with the cosmos was actually
> just a film of him walking backwards, slowed down, and played in reverse.
>
> "What other explanation could there be?" Armstrong asked. "It's all right
> here. Everything is all right here if you'd just open your damn eyes and
> see!"
>
> Added Armstrong, "I suppose it really was one small step for man, one
> giant lie for mankind."
>
>
> --
>
> Brett Harrison
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