If you were standing barefoot on a table with a 12-foot-long python winding its way up your leg, would you jump down to a floor teeming with two-inch-long cockroaches?
After looking at both the creatures in question at one of St Petersburg's two reptile exhibitions, you just might find that your answer has less to do with logic than with sheer creepiness-aversion instinct. Okay, maybe those cockroaches can't squeeze you to death, but all the same, they somehow make your hair stand on end a lot quicker than some big fat sleeping snake.
Both of the exhibits (one is at 43 Liteiny Prospect, the other at Moskovsky Vokzal) feature snakes, lizards, turtles, alligators and the dreaded Cuban Cockroaches.
The unrelated exhibits are, in fact, remarkably similar in many ways: they both consist of one small room holding 15-20 reptiles; both have brief descriptions of the animals' habitats and eating habits; and both have their reptiles housed in somewhat cramped glass aquariums, many with artificial rocks and cliffs made out of something that looks like lacquered biscuit dough.
There are two key differences between the exhibitions, however, and both favor the exhibition at Moskovsky Vokzal.
First, at Moskovsky Vokzal they have a cobra (in addition to having the same snakes that are at the Liteiny exhibition). There is an extra charge for viewing the cobra, which is ordinarily blocked from view behind a large poster proclaiming "Extremely poisonous!" For a fee of 5,000 roubles, which can be split among any number of people, an exhibition worker will open the door and poke at the cobra until it spreads its hood menacingly.
This is generally enough to keep your average crowd hypnotized with awe, although in my group one woman decided the snake wasn't riled up quite enough and started waving her hand wildly in front of it. "Come on! Get mad!" she demanded of the snake, before confessing that she suspects she was once a snake in a previous life.
The management took this in stride. "Once I offered to show the cobra to a woman who had come in," said exhibition employee Sergei Smirnov, "and she said `What do I need to see a cobra for? I'm a cobra myself.'" Presumably no one has yet claimed to have been a Red-Eared Cuban Turtle or Caucasus Toad.
The other key difference is that at the Moskovsky Vokzal exhibition you can actually buy one of those enormous Cuban cockroaches. For a mere 3,000 roubles you can purchase the opportunity to traumatize someone for life.
"They sell very well," said Mr Smirnov. "They make a nice souvenir."
The Liteiny Prospect exhibition, which opened last month, is a private collection that is on display under the auspices of the Central District Youth Department. It is located in a space managed by the "Etude" Club, in a courtyard just off the prospect.
Most of the reptiles lie docilely in their little glass homes, although one particulary energetic Bengal Lizard was trying desperately to escape, perhaps in an effort to get away from the continually-playing pop music in the room. Aside from their somewhat small living spaces, the animals seemed to be generally well fed and well cared for.
The Dark Tiger Python, which is 3 1/2 meters long and as big around as a canteloupe, got the most attention from the visitors. But I couldn't tear my attention away from the Cuban Boa Constrictor -- not because it was more striking looking (excuse the pun) than the others, but because the glass door separating it from me rattled so alarmingly every time the door to the exhibition opened and closed.
The Moskovsky Vokzal exhibit, which has been open for a year and a half, boasts an African Chameleon, as well as huge, immobile Caucasus Toads. Their Long-legged Lizards were molting, which was an interesting sight, with their old skin peeling off to reveal bright colors underneath.